You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
