Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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