Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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