I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
