Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
