I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
