Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
