And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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