JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
