Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
