so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
