I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
