i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
