and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its about making memories worth repressing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
