it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
