I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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