It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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