All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
