did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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