You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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