What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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