i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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