He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am naked and annoyed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
