Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
