I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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