i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
