Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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