Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
