careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
