Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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