Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
