we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
bring money and cleavage
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
