Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
