you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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