I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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