don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
