And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
