jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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