Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
