Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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