We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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