Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
