all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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