i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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