My first STD was from a foam party
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
