hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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