Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
