This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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