you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
