8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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