uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
