a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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