I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
