When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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