I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
