2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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