The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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