I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
