why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
