I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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